Ex Boyfriend Voodoo

These are all the evil things I wish upon the man to whom I was engaged, who drank too much, who deceived himself and me, and who broke my heart and didn't care enough to put it back together again.  I hope he loses all the lids to his Glad plastic tubs.  I hope he has to get down on both hands and knees to dig in his cabinet for the right lid, and I hope he doesn't find it. I hope the radio station in his car gets stuck on Bluegrass music. I hope he loses his sun glasses and his readers on the same damn day.  I hope he gets more literature in the mail soliciting him to purchase an extended casket warranty (Yes, really).  I hope he gets stuck driving behind a woman who is not in a hurry to go any place fast.  I hope he gets another speeding ticket as he whizzes by her, calling her every foul name for a woman in the English language.  I hope he sits on his cheap ass lawn chairs and they bend and break.  I hope when he goes outside to pee on his shrub in the dark of the night that he walks into a giant spider web, and a neighbor drives by at the same time. And finally, I hope I will be happier than I have ever been in my life just a few more steps down the road of life.